Sunday, June 3, 2018

Doh~Nuts !

You just never know who you're going to meet in a topless donut shop.

It was a bright sunny Friday morning. I was on my way home from a mid-shift and I saw the "Grand Opening" sign and I like donuts as much as the next guy. I was a healthy, single, twenty something with a twenty dollar bill in my wallet and no steady girlfriend to spend it on. And I really like, umm... donuts.

I was expecting some sort of Vegas style atmosphere with maybe a hint of Mardi Gras. What I found instead was four customers and two waitresses and more of a Mels Diner sort of vibe.  The guys looked a little sad and the waitresses looked really sad and a whole lot bored.  They were underemployed housewives and the younger one looked to be in her late forties and  I'd have bet they both had granny panties under their obviously new hotpants.

So I pretended to enjoy my not so great donuts that probably came out of bag from the grocery store.  I couldn't fake liking what passed for coffee but my server had a great sense of humor.  We traded a few jokes and I made a token pass, which thank my lucky stars she didn't take seriously and I tipped well and might have left with a smile and no intention of ever returning.

Except for that fourth customer.  She was about my age and pretty and slid over to sit on the stool next to me.  She was very much in the mood to talk and what the heck,  I couldn't be rude, could I.  So I got a warm up and a wink from my waitress and talked.  I might have even flirted jut a little, it's hard to remember details from that far back.

We made plans to go dancing that night and I put her bike in the back of my truck and gave her a ride home.  We talked some more and I flirted some more and I took her home.  Now I can't say that there weren't any warning flags.  I don't recall noticing any though.  We did make out a little and maybe I just wasn't looking for anything to worry about.  I mean, I'd just picked up a girl in a topless donut shop,  I sort of expected her to be a least a little bit funny.

So the date went well, excepting for that I'm not a good dancer.  I tried hard to learn something called the Electric Slide, and the best I can say is that at least nobody got hurt. We had a pretty good time though with lots and lots of laughter. And then we went back to her place.

Now; a gentleman would never even think about talking about certain activities that night.  I'll just say that shortly after we got there we removed a fairly large number of stuffed animals from her bed. One of them was a huge Bear (not Pooh) and she giggled a little while saying she was trading one Teddy Bear for another. Then some things happened for a while and we went to sleep spooning.

Cut to about four or so the next morning.  I feel her slip out of bed and mostly wake almost up.  I can hear her bare feet on the terrazzo and some tinkling and flushing noises.  After hearing some hand washing noises I started to drift back off but then heard other noises that just didn't add up.

I thought I heard a drawer in the kitchen and some rattling and then her bare feet coming back closer. Then it got weird.  I just couldn't figure out the "fffft", pause, "fffft, fffft, fffft" noises. Curiosity kick in and I slowly pulled the curtain aside, just a little. I just had to see what the heck she was up to.

Well, I wish I could have seen the look on my face when I noticed the big ass carving knife sticking out of that poor old bears chest.

Now, she didn't actually seem to be awake, and I thought that was a good thing. I know you're not supposed to wake up a sleep walker. It's supposed to be dangerous. I was willing to bet the same thing is true for sleep stabbers too so I decided to quickly and quietly ease my unstabbed ass out of there.

I grabbed my clothes and shoes and almost made it. I got to the door without waking her and managed to unlock the door knob and deadbolt just fine.  I started to get the door open, but only about an inch.
It made a hell of a racket when it hit the end of the chain and woke her up.

She was, for just a minute, more scared than I was. And for the record, I was  plenty scared. But this poor girl wakes up to some naked stranger trying to run out the door carrying all his clothes. She felt violated and scared and she gave that knife a good hard look and then I was more scared than she was again.  Then she looked at the bear and the knife and sorted it all out and we shared one more good laugh.

And that's why I stay away from topless donut shops.