Afterlife

 Eyes wide open. It's dark; but wait a minute ?

I feel like I just woke up, but why am I not in bed ?

Where the hell am I.

Why don't I have to pee.  

Or cough ? I always have to pee and cough when I get up.

Ah, I must still be sleeping. This is weird. 

I'll get up anyway. If I could march in formation for twenty miles while sleeping, I can walk twenty feet to the bathroom.

Wait, where's the bathroom ? 

Holy crap ! Where's my stupid feet ?

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ?

Oh hell ! 

Oh no, don't even say that word. I must freaking dead. 

No gates, no book, no Saint Pete. It sure doesn't look like Heaven.

But then, no flames, no stink and no signs of hell either ?

I thought we did away with Purgatory.

What next ?

There ought to be somebody to ask. Maybe a TOS to sign. A guardian angel or something around here somewhere.

And then there was something. It was a sign. Or a big sign that said, "Make up your mind". And hanging, somehow around it a bunch of smaller signs. There was one that said Manual and another with "Angel" printed in fancy script. Then I noticed more and more of the little ones. 

Friend, Guide, Dad, Self Help, God, Teacher, The Buddha, and the signs seemed to be everywhere. They went on forever. I'm serious, for effing ever.

So I grabbed the Friend sign and somebody said, "good choice".

Now, I didn't recognize the voice. I couldn't see anybody .But somehow I knew that they really were my friend. 

Can you tell me what gives ? Are you really my friend ?

Not exactly, but I can help you figure it out and yes, if you want me to be I sure am.

Deep breath.

Okay, first things first then. Am I dead ?

No way, but you are seeing things from a different perspective than you were before. 

After a short pregnant pause they added, "there is no such thing as death".

Yeah, like that was supposed to clear things up for me. No such thing as death ?

I'm confused.

That's what I'm here for. And I will keep it simple for you, friend.

You are in charge. You see what you want to see and it's all just as real as it's ever been and always will be. If you want Pearly Gates and harps and clouds, have at it. If you want a dinner with Jesus or Hitler, no big deal. God Almighty can be yours to hang out with. I'm an Atheist so I don't go looking for him but they say he's simply amazing.

Got it ?

Hmm...

What if I want to go back and fix those brakes ?

Now you're catching on.

And poof ! Just like that I did understand.

I understood everything because I wanted to understand everything. That made it real and gave it meaning.

But you know, I couldn't really be satisfied without some bit of mystery. Not in "life" or now even in "after life"

I just can't; for the, if you will excuse the expression, life of me understand why I let things just go wonky. I knew even then that life is what you make of it. But I didn't fix those brakes. I kept on smoking. I let things I cared about slip away. 

Oh well, I still have something to learn. I guess that's what makes me happy.

Image from OpenClipart-Vectors on Pixabay. A great place to find royalty free images.

     Fireworks & Sebring Resort

Are fireworks legal ? Yes, but only on certain holidays including the 4th.

Can you set them off in Sebring Resort?

NO !  The lease agreement and park rules are clear. We have a ZERO tolerance policy in the park itself.

Take them down to the beach - no exceptions.

Thank you. 

Ted

Vote 2020 Primer

I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. 

(or against - lol)

 

I would like to point out some obvious facts that I hope will help you make a good decision on election day. Because, now more than ever, YOUR vote really does count.

1- Somebody is going to be president next year.

2- It will be either Trump or Biden and nobody else.

3- There is no three. It's one of those two, period.

If you like Trump, vote for him.  I don't so I'll vote for Biden.  I'm not likely to be able to change your mind any more then you are to change mine.  See, we do have something we can agree on after all.

There are lots of reasons to vote for Biden.  There are plenty of reasons to not WANT to vote for him too.  The horns of that dilemma might just stick us in the butt though.  The election is probably going to be close.  And like it or not, the people who voted for third parties last time but hate Trump did end up helping him win. 

 You may want to argue that point but it's a moot point now. What's done is done.  The fact of the matter is that Trump is president and will remain our president for the next four years if you do it again.  If you don't want him to win, vote for someone who can beat him. If you don't vote for someone that can beat him, at least take responsibility for your actions. Since we all may have to suffer the consequences of your choice, it's the least you can do. 

Stay Shut Down or Open It Up ?

Regardless of how you feel about the subject you should be able to understand that it's complex and that others feel just as strongly but differently.  The reasoning behind their actions may or may not seem valid to you but they are not going to change their minds any more than their feelings.

Full disclosure- I feel that it's too soon. I'll try to keep that bias out of this essay as much as I can.

First off, a few stipulations.

Covid-19 for whatever reason is deadlier than "the flu".  We've already lost more people to it than the regular old flus' killed in all of last year. 

 

Where you live and other things influence how serious you think this is.  Here in middle Florida we have only a few that have died and a few dozen who tested positive.  In New York they have "refer" trucks filling up with dead people and the funeral homes are piling them up in bags.  They can't even come to pick up your loved ones who die at home for sometimes several days. 

As for the protests and "sooner for the economy" movement. Is it the worst thing ever ? Is there perhaps some good in there aside from the "freedom at any price" ? 

Many of them will get sick and infect bunches of other people. They in turn will infect a whole lot more and I don't think our health care system is ready for that. 

 Most of them will recover though and our herd immunity will get a large bump.  This will speed up the process.  The price will be high but are the results worth it.  Some number of people, real living people will die that most likely would not have even got sick.

I can't say how many people that will be. I can only say I hope it's not you or someone close to you.  Also I can hope and pray that by speeding up the process, some people who would have been infected will be spared by the bump in herd immunity.

Oh that smell...

 Many years ago I was invited by a young lady to a weekend in Key West. She had been my boss at one job and I was hers on another one. We were solidly in each others friend zones and had shared quite a few other adventures.  

There are a few good stories from that trip but this one came to mind when I heard about the new "GOOP" candle scent. 

We crawled our way around Duval Street for a while.  I couldn't tell you how many bars we spent time in. More than a few but not all of them for sure. We reconnected with some friends that we were travelling with and decided to hit a stripper bar.

After a very short time I sat down right at the stage. Mel was circulating and though I didn't find out until later, was trying to find me a date. Bless her sweet heart. 

About half way through the second artists set I felt a pair of soft hands travel seductively from my shoulders, slowly down my chest and come to rest on my upper thigh. Long dark hair suddenly was falling all round my face. I heard the voice of an angel right behind me. She said, "You must be Theo."

Well, I was so I leaned back into a very pleasant sort of neck brace and looked up. 

Oh my buttons and bows. She was simply beautiful. On top of that she had an air of exotic mystery and this hungry, focused look about her.  She reminded me of a wild cat about to pounce on some prey. 

So she introduced herself, with her stage name of course. Then she paused and said, very quietly, "My real name is Pam." She then asked me to call her Dixie, or Vixen or something like that.

She asked me if I'd mind if she took Mel (my friend) in "the back" for a private dance. "No charge", she said and then she bought me a drink. I said that I'd be surprised because I didn't think Mel swung in that direction but that wouldn't mind in the slightest. She even asked if I was sure, that she didn't want to cause any problems. I assured her that if would not affect our "relationship" in the slightest.

I was surprised !

Pam brought Mel back to me about forty five or so minutes later. They seemed like they had enjoyed themselves or each other and if it hadn't been closing time I'm not sure how long they would have been back there.

Mel sat down at a table next to me. she looked a little wobbly, like her legs weren't quite working right. Her hair was a mess and her eyes looked like they were having trouble focusing or something. But the grin on her face was amazing. I don't think I've ever seen anybody over about a year old smile like that. It turns out I was surprised some more.

Dixie came in close again, from above and behind. I got treated to the spectacular neck brace for a moment but instead of running her hands down my chest, she ran them though my beard. She caressed or maybe fondled is a better word my beard for some time. She ran her fingers through it and cupped it in her palms. She even ran the back of her hands down from my ears to my lips and chin. I was pleasantly surprised. 

Now I'm not going to say what she was doing while she was giving me a what amounted to a beard job. Suffice it to say that my face fur was well seasoned by the, let's call it, conditioner that she had applied.

Did I mention it was closing time ? Mel got her land legs back about the time all the lights came on. We all got back together and headed to the first after hours bar we could find. Then if memory serves me, at least two or three other bars before calling a cab or two.

The funny thing was, I couldn't buy another drink that night. Every time I bellied up to order something, some woman  or another would lean in and hit on me. "Oooh, you smell good", and "Can I join you guys", and the like. All night long. 

So guys, and some of you ladies, you might want to consider getting one of those Gwyneth Paltrow candles. It just might work better than AXE Body Spray ?

Link the GOOP page.

We should not start wars to help leaders get elected. 

As you read this, Iran is currently conducting military exercises with China and Russia. Is this a good time to be bombing them ? Also remember that Iran has been working on nuclear weapons for decades.  One more thing. Teenagers in garages across America have built home made a-bombs already. Is it ever a good time to go bombing people who could easily set off nukes in NY or LA or just about anywhere ?
Well, that depends. 

It's probably harder to impeach a president during a war. Especially if the bad guys are blowing up our cities.  So yeah, go ahead and support your president.  Enjoy your stock market gains and reduced regulations on your businesses.  Most of the people who are likely to get blown up are liberals anyway.