Afterlife

 Eyes wide open. It's dark; but wait a minute ?

I feel like I just woke up, but why am I not in bed ?

Where the hell am I.

Why don't I have to pee.  

Or cough ? I always have to pee and cough when I get up.

Ah, I must still be sleeping. This is weird. 

I'll get up anyway. If I could march in formation for twenty miles while sleeping, I can walk twenty feet to the bathroom.

Wait, where's the bathroom ? 

Holy crap ! Where's my stupid feet ?

WHAT'S GOING ON HERE ?

Oh hell ! 

Oh no, don't even say that word. I must freaking dead. 

No gates, no book, no Saint Pete. It sure doesn't look like Heaven.

But then, no flames, no stink and no signs of hell either ?

I thought we did away with Purgatory.

What next ?

There ought to be somebody to ask. Maybe a TOS to sign. A guardian angel or something around here somewhere.

And then there was something. It was a sign. Or a big sign that said, "Make up your mind". And hanging, somehow around it a bunch of smaller signs. There was one that said Manual and another with "Angel" printed in fancy script. Then I noticed more and more of the little ones. 

Friend, Guide, Dad, Self Help, God, Teacher, The Buddha, and the signs seemed to be everywhere. They went on forever. I'm serious, for effing ever.

So I grabbed the Friend sign and somebody said, "good choice".

Now, I didn't recognize the voice. I couldn't see anybody .But somehow I knew that they really were my friend. 

Can you tell me what gives ? Are you really my friend ?

Not exactly, but I can help you figure it out and yes, if you want me to be I sure am.

Deep breath.

Okay, first things first then. Am I dead ?

No way, but you are seeing things from a different perspective than you were before. 

After a short pregnant pause they added, "there is no such thing as death".

Yeah, like that was supposed to clear things up for me. No such thing as death ?

I'm confused.

That's what I'm here for. And I will keep it simple for you, friend.

You are in charge. You see what you want to see and it's all just as real as it's ever been and always will be. If you want Pearly Gates and harps and clouds, have at it. If you want a dinner with Jesus or Hitler, no big deal. God Almighty can be yours to hang out with. I'm an Atheist so I don't go looking for him but they say he's simply amazing.

Got it ?

Hmm...

What if I want to go back and fix those brakes ?

Now you're catching on.

And poof ! Just like that I did understand.

I understood everything because I wanted to understand everything. That made it real and gave it meaning.

But you know, I couldn't really be satisfied without some bit of mystery. Not in "life" or now even in "after life"

I just can't; for the, if you will excuse the expression, life of me understand why I let things just go wonky. I knew even then that life is what you make of it. But I didn't fix those brakes. I kept on smoking. I let things I cared about slip away. 

Oh well, I still have something to learn. I guess that's what makes me happy.

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